So here we are, halfway through August and closing in on the final months of 2017. I’ve been down here in Florida for a little over a month, and I will be perfectly honest: it’s been difficult, and embarrassing. You would think that by the age of 30, I’d have my shit figured out. Alas, here I sit, still unemployed and getting rejections or silence from 98% of the places I’ve applied. (I’ve had one interview for a restaurant, but it was kind of sketchy. I still have to wait “a week or two” to even get a reply, so I’m not optimistic.)
With my lack of income and current unemployment being the largest percentage of my stress, my depression has also resurged. The clear lack of communication coupled with the sheer stupidity of the “submit resume/retype everything in the resume in this database” method of applying for jobs results in these thoughts being implanted in my mind that I am apparently unworthy of being employed despite having a Masters and transferrable skills to fill almost any position. Some days it is very hard to justify getting out of bed, much less leave where I’m currently staying just to take a walk and get some fresh air. My enthusiasm for things that typically make me happy has waned. I haven’t had a solid workout in months, and I have had to defer Chicago until 2018. I am still on track for Marine Corps in late October, and with two months to go, I could make a comeback. But again, not being employed makes things nervewracking…what if they don’t give me those days off for a race I’ve planned for months? Not being 100% certain that I will end up racing deters me from even training, with the thoughts of, “Why bother training if I won’t be able to run?” constantly screaming in my head.
Even though “Struggle Bus” is the title of this chapter, and despite the ongoing depression, there have been some highlights:
-“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” -Coco Chanel
I finally got my hair cut! The last time I had my hair touched was in Fall 2015, so this was long overdue. I don’t mind having long hair, but once it hits a certain length, it just gets annoying to deal with.
And I got side bangs as an even bigger change! Haven’t had those since the fifth grade.
-Chris and I had date night a couple weeks ago at the Leu Gardens. They had an outdoor movie theatre so we settled in to watch La La Land. We got there relatively early, and I immediately saw why: there were SO many people picnicking on the lawn prior to the show! It was a very fun way to bring the community out for an evening. I’d definitely go again!
The gardens themselves are beautiful, and definitely worth getting lost in for a couple of hours.
-I’ve been to Universal a couple of times, and to City Walk a couple times for food; it’s been a nice distraction from my personal life, and what’s been going on in the world. (It helps to have connections for tickets.) If you ever have to ask someone why they are always going to Disney or Universal or whatever theme park, they will probably respond with this. It is a happy place for many of us, a land of hyperreality where we can use our imaginations and get away for a little while.
-Even though there is only one season in Florida, that’s not stopping the local craft stores from bringing out the autumn decor a month and change early! When I was in grad school, I would go to the nearest Michaels and spend hours in there just looking at all the pretty things and imagining what my house will look like…if I ever get to buy one…
-It is also the most wonderful time of the year: back to school season! I get the biggest rush when I step into a store and see all the new supplies lining the shelves and smell freshly sharpened pencils and a box of Crayolas. I’ve been out of academia (unfortunately) for two years now, but the excitement is still there. I have to really resist buying a new notebook and a fresh pack of pens. I have also been tinkering around with ideas for a college lifestyle series, so that may pan out in the future after I finish with the Studies in Wanderlust series.
I was in Walmart, browsing the cosmetics aisle as usual, when I found this collaborative display between Crayola and Sally Hansen!
The colors are vibrant and will take you right back to your childhood! I personally like the Carnation Pink the best.
You can also check out the entire collection on Sally Hansen’s website.
So there’s an update for now. Hopefully things will start to turn around by the time I write another Weekly Review for you all. Enjoy your weekend! xoxo